Child Arrangements | Inconsistent Contact

“They haven’t seen the children for weeks; can they dictate arrangements – or can I have control over that?”

Inconsistency when it comes to Child Arrangements can be more than just a frustration; it can be genuinely very unsettling for children, particularly those with additional needs.

Whilst it may be difficult for many of us to understand, some parents, after separation, do seem to be quite happy to leave it days or weeks on end without seeing their children – sometimes this may be for genuine reasons such as work, illness, travel or similar, but many times it is purely out of a lack of motivation or consistency/reliability.

So what can be done about it?

What should the Child Arrangements Be?

I have still not decided whether it is helpful or not that there is no baseline legal foundation for what constitutes a “default” norm for Child Arrangements, but the reality is that there is nothing dictated in law about how often a child should see one parent or another.

Research shows that children’s psychological development is improved where they have both parents as a present feature in their lives, whether together or not. What research doesn’t seem to tell us is what a “perfect” division of time for children of separated parents is, and it is my belief that this is because one person’s perfect, is not another’s.

As such, the starting point is to consider what arrangements would best suit your children; the focus needs to be on the children, not the adults.

Can The Non Resident Parent Dictate Arrangements?

In reality, it is very hard to dictate what should or shouldn’t happen when you are no longer a present member of a household. However, sometimes the non-resident parent may turn up unannounced, or make demands such as “I want to see X on Y date at Z time, and if you don’t say yes I will take you to Court!”. Bluntly, if those arrangements don’t work for your child, I would advise letting Court Proceedings run! That way, everyone will end up with a routine, either that they have agreed to, or that the Court has decided is best for the children.

Can The Resident Parent Control Contact Arrangements?

Practically speaking, yes, but in the event the matter did end up at Court, they would need to be able to give account for why they have done what they have done, and satisfy the Court that it was done in line with a genuine believe that those decisions were right for the child.

What is Ideal?

Ideally, even separated parents would work together to find a routine that works best for their children. However, if inconsistency is a recurring problem, and it is causing your children to feel rejected, or upset due to their being a lack of routine and consistency, then we would advise that you speak with us to work out next steps.

If you are a parent that struggles being consistent for whatever reason, but would like to establish good quality and regular contact, please contact us and we can offer bespoke advice that may work in your circumstances for your children, and help you communicate with your co-parent sensibly to communicate the issues, and possible solutions.

You can call us, and we would be happy to help. Just call us on 01926 354704 or email: family@moore-tibbits.co.uk.

Article by: Antonia Kirby |Senior Solicitor; Family Law